Things of recent note (rearrange to make sense as you please)

Hi. Been a long time and all that.

That's kind of what this post is about.

I don't mean to bring a big old downer on your probable holiday period, so if you don't feel you should read this or you may disagree, please stop now. If you also don't like bad writing, I suggest you stop reading now and never set eyes here again.

This post is about family.

A few things have arisen lately that has made me ponder over the notion of family.

I see family as a sort of backup friendship band that you can fall back on if your current friend circle fails you for whatever reason.

Let's face it. You don't have to like your family. Many people don't, for many and varied reasons. Other than your immediate family, (children, parents, siblings) I don't see it necessary to have more than the occasional involvement in the lives of anyone beyond that circle. Unless you share a love for pigeons, or something along the same lines, at most, what else could you share? Some health issues, some psychological issues and common grandparents, as far as I can see.

Maybe I'm being unfair. By no means are any of my family members beyond my immediate circle bad people. I care about them to a degree, but I'm finding I should spend even less time than I currently do, caring about them.

To prove this is not all just ramblings, I am about to list evidence - that's another one of my big issues with other people, but perhaps not for now.

Reasons for feeling disappointed with family members:

- Not returning emails
- Not visiting
- Not having decent questions to ask (This is part of my drive for decent and meaningful conversations and goes for just about everyone I know)

- Not returning emails

This is the one that irks me the most. It doesn't take much effort to tap out an email, a text message or a Fakebook message. Seeing what some people put on Fakebook, it looks like they decided, "Yes, I will respond to that message" and then promptly gave up and in response to a piece of text, put: roflcopterlmaolollerskates. If I put in the effort to make conversation with someone, the least I expect is that they put in a decent effort in regards to corresponding. I am not oblivious to the fact that they may not live on the internet like I do (as I haven't got a job) and that some messages may go missing, maybe..... though considering all the forms of correspondence I mentioned above are in the form of text and not a conversation that is lost as soon as it is spoken.......

Anyway, various family and non-family members who are sent emails by my, literally, run-off-their-feet parents* and fail to respond, have now been abandoned.

Until they respond, are sent another lengthy email, fail to reply, and are abandoned again.

- Not visiting

We live a long way away from nearly all of our large number of cousins. Every year, apart from the years my sister and I were born and the surrounding years, we travelled for more than a days driving to meet them all for Christmas. The number that have done the same for us is pretty appalling considering the number of them. Some have, and generally, these are the ones we have kept in touch with regularly. What really irks me is that my Mothers' sister has only visited my parents when they lived further away than they do now, roughly thirty years ago. Her children, my first cousins are just as bad. A number of times they have travelled through town without calling or visiting us. Trust me, we don't quite know what we've done to deserve this. It's the same story on my Fathers' side. His sister has visited once in the last 30 years (that I am aware of, not being that old) and neither of her children, have visited in the last 20 years or keeps in touch despite being very close to their uncle, my Dad. Bizarre.

- Not having decent questions to ask

There are many things that Best Mate and I disagree about, but this ain't one.

Despite the fact that Best Mate is not the best conversationalist in the world, (he broke up about a month ago with a girl he was seeing for about 2 weeks because "they just felt like they would work better as friends" and haven't spoken since, partly because I believe they had nothing to talk about) there is one thing he hates about conversations with elderly members of his family.

"How's uni going?"

Could there be a more boring question?

"Yes, my life is reduced to the parts of my education towards a field of study that I've found out in the last 2 years is neither as interesting or rewarding as I was brainwashed into believing. Also, the pay is not as good as I was informed and the job/career prospects are essentially nil."

But people don't want to hear that. A "Yeah, alright" is all they want to hear.

What is completely baffling to me is that all retired people seem interested in is the part of life that they have left. Considering they are now able to do what they want; pursue all the parts of life and the world they were not able to do because of money, children, jobs, education and other obligations, all they want to talk about is the dull tedium that fills most of our waking hours! IT'S RIDICULOUS!

"How's work?" "How's uni going?" and the in no way related but equally infuriating: "Wow, haven't you grown!?!"

My answer as a kid: "Everyone says that"

Or what I wanted to say: "It is entirely probable that I have grown in height in the long time since I last saw you, seeing as you never bother to visit us, but, strictly speaking, it's relative isn't it? Really, I don't notice how I have been getting taller because it's a very slow process. You're only noticing a marked difference since last time I saw you, which, did I mention, was a long time ago?"

All of this makes me wonder, could I have kids or a family? You reading this now could probably make your mind up at this moment but this is only a fiery, empty my brain exercise and should have only a slight relationship to real life.

I don't know. Maybe I just like being alone. Each time a girl has got even remotely close, I feel bound and feel the need to escape despite not being obliged to do anything.

I have another friend who is very close to his family. The closest I think I've ever seen. He won't go out with us tomorrow night because his cousin is in town; she doesn't know us and apparently they can't do anything separately. Never mind that we have mentioned that she can come along, we wouldn't mind, we would tone down our language etc. etc. but no. This is apparently too far out of either of their comfort zones.**

I hope to teach my kids many practical things instead of the iffy, be nice to everyone culture we seem to have now. If there is anything I can teach my kids to hold onto, I hope it will be this:

You don't owe your extended family anything. Be suspicious, be greedy, trust no-one, because no-one on this earth (except for your parents) makes you No. 1 apart from you.

I realise, this may not apply to everyone. My sister's boyfriend can't believe that any of our cousins may not be socially inclined. I, my sister and my Mum have all had a good chuckle about this.

*They own a very, very busy small business
**This is one of the many, many reasons I, being the only one of my group of friends to organise anything, gave up that position mid-way through this year.

Spam with a side of Spam

Been meaning to do this for a while. I know, I know, "But he doesn't have a job, how can he be busy?!?!?!?" Well, I just have been.

I have an email address that gets some spam. Usually I just mark it all as being Phishing scams and the people who sold their souls sold the addresses can deal with them once more.

I don't know the inner workings of internet businesses and whether they analyse your email subject lines to target spam and general advertising towards you or not. In any case, there are trends, or these people are very persistent, one or the other.

This is the Spam I have received in the last 3 days and all spelling has been maintained where possible:

From: ****
Subject: ****** ********* *********

Bunch of Russian which I cannot read.

From: Petsmart (?)
Subject: This Friday - Save 50% on all PetHoliday toys, collars, rawhide, pet apparel & more!

I only used to have a Budgie, my sister took that and really, they don't need collars and rawhide (?)

From: (C) Viagra (R) Official Sit (sic)
Subject: Dear (my email address) 76% OFF on Pfizer.

Well, if I had a relationship where I only got her and me 76% OFF, I'd want someone who can do better, shouldn't I? 100% OFF would be ideal. KThxbye

From: GA1N-THREE-1NCHES
Subject: :FREE-TR1AL-Peni1e-En1argement-Pi11s:

Your-spelling-is-atrocious. Surely-it-must-take-time-to-reach-for-the-1-button-instead-of-an-i-&-l.
Plus,-I've-never-seen-a-smiley-that-goes :Free

From: U.S. Cavalry Newsletter
Subject: Get ready for our Black Friday Sale!

OK! So what do I do, because God knows I'm not opening this email to find out!

(On a sidenote, I get stuff from these guys a lot and I honestly thought for a while before I saw that a sale was on, that they were trying to sign me up to the US Army. I Googled them, just so you know and apparently it's an Army disposals type store. Huh!)

From: Better InBed (sic)
Subject: Be A Sex God

OK! As above!
Surely they must sell mattresses. A mattress lying around is not very useful and is therefore "Better InBed"

From: Playstation
Subject: Changes to Playstation (R) Network Terms of Service and Privacy Policy

Of course, I don't have a Playstation but you can ignore our privacy and send us Spam. That makes sense, if it is even Sony who is sending this, which I thought you would have clarified but, whatever...

From: Sony Holiday (wtf?)
Subject: Pre-Black Friday Deals SAVE $1,450

Considering you sent this on 25/11/09 and there isn't another Black Friday until August next year, you really are getting in early, if this even is Sony (Holiday?)....

From: CANAD1AN-PH4RM4CY
Subject: :Get-YOur(sic)-Meds-For-Much-Less:

Those crazy Canucks! The sign writer must have got it really wrong and you guys had to go along with it! Just like a sign near my place for a business called "Your Invited" on which someone has spray painted " u're " for it to be grammatically correct. Either that or there are some graffiti artists that are well trained in punctuation, one or the other.

From: Better InBed (sic)
Subject: Be A Sex God

You guys are persistent. That's the mark of a business that's not doing so well.

From: Gevalia Coffee
Subject: 3 Coffees for $3

That'd be a good deal now that the dollar is almost alongside the $US. If only you could transport it here still hot. And I drank coffee. Shame.

From: Playstation
Subject: November PS3 Newsletter

Again, persistence beats resistance, right? Right? Wrong.

From: Add-Three-1nches
Subject: Free-Peni1e-En1argement-Tria1

Hang on, it's a trial? What if I want the real thing and not be experimented on?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tick a11 in the 1ist and c1ick "Mark as Phishing Scam". This has rea11y been of great use to me, thanks guys. A11 the best.

:Free



GT

Lick o' paint

First person to correctly name the previous colour of the blog gets Hamish and Andy at their next birthday!

I'm hoping that everyone acts the same as me whenever a house is demolished or a shop disappears from a shopping centre ("What the hell was there?)....

...because I'm not sure I have the pulling power now that I think about it


hmmm.... yeah.. GT

Bored

Yes, a blog post on being bored. How original. Seeing as there has been nothing going on in my life and a number of blogs are stalling, I thought I'd show you something I like.

I have an attractive slightly obsessive personality. When watching a TV show or movie and find something someone has said or done that I've liked, I will often play and replay it until I get the same feeling I got when watching it for the first time.

That's right, I'm a comedic fulfilment junkie.

Seeing as I have no job and am not so keen on uni at the moment (or ever) I've been watching a lot of this on YouTube.

Never Mind the Buzzcocks.

It's the British version of Australia's Spicks & Specks except for the fact that NMTB has been on since 1996. Spicks & Specks originated when Adam Hills (current host) appeared on NMTB and brought the format back to Australia.

Bill Bailey, one of my favourite comedians, used to be a team captain. Noel Fielding is currently a team captain. The show used to be hosted by the comedian Simon Amstell. All the hosts (long term ones and guests between long term hosts) take the mickey out of the guests, in fact the show is known for it with some guests commenting that they knew they were going to be on the receiving end of it. I haven't seen all the episodes (YouTube doesn't go back to 1996 understandably) but Simon Amstell has to be one of the best hosts and comedians I've ever witnessed. Unfortunately, earlier this year he announced he would no longer be hosting the show.

Things to know about NMTB:

- The hosts will insult/mock/stir the guests. This is a given.
- You will probably not have heard of most of the guests because they are British and they are also musicians starting out their careers. This is normal and easily mocked. Comments are made regularly that NMTB struggle to get people to appear on the show
- Blue was a British boy-band that were.....ummm....."popular" around the turn of the century. They cop lots.
- Simon Amstell hosted a show in the UK before NMTB called Popworld. He copped lots of criticism for insulting many of the guests. His next move was to obviously take over the reigns of NMTB.
- On YouTube, the show is divided up into 3 x 10minute clips. They can be between 19-60MB so if downloads are an issue for you, I wouldn't watch too many in a month.

This is my current obsession. I know. I need help.

Here is a list of episodes if you want to search for a star that has been on. Some you may recognise include:

- Kelly Rowland (Destiny's Child)
- Martin Freeman (The Office)
- Tim Minchin (Australian musical comedian / Bill Bailey clone)
- Lily Allen
- Jermaine Jackson

If you are interested in sharing my obsession, please start with this one - Simon Amstell's first episode as a long term host. I don't think you will be disappointed.

GT

So.......

Start of meeting: 1601 hours, Saturday 17th October, 2009

Previous meetings' business carried over:

Topics

- Putting forward a name for the girl and any follow up on this issue. Put forward by GT, seconded by Alistair Goodwin (surprise noted by attendees as Alistair is gay).
- Concerns that someone from my own town could well be reading this and has not yet commented. Or that I don't understand how IP addresses and Google Analytics work. Put forward by GT, seconded by Computer Nerd.
- Concerns that the Brisbane lurker is still......lurking. Put forward by a concerned GT and seconded by further concerned GT.

Discussion

The Girl

- The girl shall henceforth be known as E=mc² being that she is smarter than others her own age.
Attempts at an invitation by GT for E=mc² and GT to "hang out" were made but due to an unfortunate case of timing, doubt and reluctance, others were invited and a small percentage attended (plus one gatecrasher) all of whom were male. E=mc² attended late but her apologies were noted before attendance was required.

End note: A non-verbal agreement to put each other into the "Friends" category was mutually accepted by both E=mc² and GT. We think.

Google Analytics

- As issue discussed above in "Previous meetings' business carried over". Isolation of GT's own IP address does not seem to exclude him from Google Analytics' results. Ideas anyone? Either that or someone from GT's home town is reading "Immaculate Contradiction". Quite why is anyone's guess.

End note: We hope for the former and not the latter.

Brisbane Lurker

- As discussed above. No further comment, from us or the lurker, seemingly...

End note: We don't care what you say but at least say "HI!" Then we will never bother you again.

Points brought up for discussion in this meeting

- GT's applications for jobs.
- Borders policy on not telling customers when books they have ordered have arrived at the store.
- Funny stuff

GT's applications for jobs

GT: "Two were applied for this week. One is a desirable job with unknown but interesting possibilities. The other is not as good a job but a man stranded on a desert island doesn't care what type of boat comes along, know what I'm sayin'?"

End note: Consternation from fellow meeting attendees. An apology issued by GT.

Borders policy

A book was ordered from a Borders store. Promised time of delivery, 6-8 weeks at which time an email will be sent notifying of same. This week heralded the 9th week since original order. Attendance by GT at Borders. No judgement made. Was helped by a woman with the laziest eye ever witnessed. Very helpful woman. Book behind counter ready.

End note: In future it is advised for one to go to multiple book stores in multiple shopping centres in the hope of finding desired book. GT feels slightly mislead that what he thought was an all encompassing mens' self improvement/self-help book turned out to be a mens' self improvement catch yourself a date book.

"Should be more use than originally intended in that case." Verbatim quote from Alistair. Mock thanks issued by GT.

Funny stuff

Check this out. GT would like to point out he didn't go searching for this as he says it is not required. Murmurings from fellow attendees.

Points to put forward for discussion at the next meeting:

- How to be less self-referential
- Alistair has yet to view another film that he considers "worthy" of his unique treatment.
- GT to further research how to meet and at that time or later, snog a girl whilst sober for the first time. Failure to adhere to the latter part will not strictly be required, but is desired.
- To decide whether to keep this entity going or go on a hiatus

Meeting closed at 1720 hrs

The Fury

Q: What is "The Fury"?

A: An explosion, an overreaction, a wave of pent up anger, usually released in a time period of two seconds.

People who overreact really get on my nerves. This is something I've tried to and learned to control, to a degree.

During my schooling years I was caught out more times than I care to think about by predictably reacting and arguing the polar opposite of whatever discussion had riled me up. I was usually found out in the space of the next two seconds after my two seconds of rage where someone always pointed out that I had completely misread the argument. Sometimes this was fair as I had not heard the question/discussion/sales pitch correctly. Other times it was completely unfair as the "ragee" had left details out.

My Dad can overreact at times. He is usually a quiet man who is very knowledgeable in many areas. He really is the best person I know to have on your team for a trivia competition. And, sometimes, he can waffle on with this knowledge so much so that you forget what you originally asked. Or are actively [trying to/repenting] (delete whichever is not applicable to you).

A couple of weeks back, Dad was washing up (We have a dishwasher that is almost as old as me, we suspect. Every few years we open it, gasp at the stink and make sure none of the cockroaches escape that have been disturbed. Everywhere else is clean, we just don't touch that.)

Yeah, like I was saying, Dad was washing up and I had the tea-towel in hand. All was calm. The calmest part is before the storm.

"YOU'VE GOT TO WATCH HOW MUCH YOU DRINK! EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK THERE HAS BEEN (alcohol) GLASSES OR BOTTLES ON THIS BENCH. YOU OUGHT TO HAVE A FEW ALCOHOL FREE NIGHTS EACH WEEK."

Quite where that came from, I was puzzled as unless Mum & Dad are out of town, I only drink at home when they do. Occasionally, Mum will joke that she and Dad could never be alcoholics because they forget that the alcohol is actually there. And Mum is too short to reach it anyway.

So I replied, in a calmer fashion than Dad did anyway with: "I don't drink each night. I only drink when you do!"

His argument was then abandoned, seemingly for a lack of evidence as there was actually no glassware in sight.

When the topic came up again and Dad made a reference to needing two drinks to relax (one in each hand is his ongoing joke) I brought up the outburst in the tone he did. His reaction was verbatim:

"You took that rather seriously, didn't you?"

Yeah, I usually do that when people yell at me.

Mum is a bit different in this respect. Her outbursts are nearly all rhetorical but ignore facts as well.

I will get thanked before going to bed for helping out with Mum & Dad's business, around the house or driving them somewhere but every now and then I hear:

"I have to do EVERYTHING around here! NOBODY does ANYTHING. As long as I'M doing something it's alright!"

Which in a way is fair, she does do a lot. I have offered and told her what I want to learn to do but she has rejected my approaches on multiple occasions. Best not to remind her of this in the two seconds after it ends; her frustrations can then turn into great untruths about how everyone else sits around and does precisely nothing. Apparently.

There have been other occasions at work and at school where people have blown up about some minor thing which is forgotten by the end of the day.

I feel I have saved the best for last though.

Yes, it's my sister again.

When we were little I spearheaded a campaign with her towards Mum to change my sisters' middle name to "Rose". I honestly can't remember why.

If I were to start this campaign again today, it would be to change it to: "Rage".

Everything, and I do mean everything, has to go her way. Every argument of small and massive proportions. If she has ever seen anyone else's point of view about anything and changed her mind because of it, I would be very surprised. It has happened once or twice but it is a war of attrition for which time, effort and well-being can be wasted.

I once spent over an hour in my last job trying to explain to her by email (which is a tedious way to argue but at least it gives you time to hone and review your argument, editing terms which may be unnecessarily inflammatory while still trying to get your point across) that putting a comment under a stupid quiz I'd done on Fakebook, intentionally misquoting what it said and saying, "I disagree with that... you are an unkind and uncaring person" was probably not an appropriate thing to put on my profile page, even though we hadn't argued lately.

To cut a long blog post short, I made her see my point of view, not without resentment though, she deleted the comments but not until I'd created an ultimatum without telling her what the result would be.

I would have deleted her as a friend. Harsh? Not when every conversation you have with her ends with her screaming at you trying to get her way. I'm not perfect, we are very similar, sometimes I don't see others points of view but I don't try to win every conversation. If someone else has valid points that beat my proposal I will jump ship like that *snaps fingers* and ride alongside them.

Why do we react so suddenly to something? Is it instinct(ual/ive)? We would get our point across so much better if we took those two seconds to breathe instead of unleashing.


GT

I'm a BAD person

Perhaps an exaggeration of the title, but hey, if journalists can do it and they deliver the "truth", then I figure I can too.

Setting: Best Mates' birthday a couple of nights ago.

The People: A number of regulars, a few I've met once or twice and one I've never met. All OK to get along with. Oddly, the more people I meet, the less I instantly don't like or who don't like me. Perhaps I'm just mining a rich vein. I don't know.

What makes me a bad person: I'm going to go off tangent for a minute. I don't do that often (:P).

I read a lot of websites, a couple of books and get emails regularly on the topic of making you a better person. Me, not you, actually.

Some of these are directed at guys and some are universal. Many of the guys ones I read occasionally inform on topics of relationships: How to meet girls, how to approach girls, how to stay in a girls mind and I can't help but think some of them are particularly manipulative.

Often I dream of being in a relationship with a girl who is perfectly suited for me and me for her. I know this is a pipe dream but it will become apparent later on why. Someone who makes me smile just thinking about them or being in their presence. I say this is an important point because I don't smile much normally. Due to my timing "issues" sometimes I don't even laugh at comedians on TV because the joke has gone for too long and they're milking for time or they just missed the best point for the punchline, whatever.

The general feeling of happiness at being around "The Perfect Person" I understand would be at the start of the relationship and, I'm guessing, doesn't last the whole of the relationship unless it is a particularly special relationship. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but that's just what I see with my own eyes.

I'm probably not tying this well together but my point is one you've likely heard before. It is that of bad behaviour.

Many of the ones that purport to be "Not 'Pick Up Artists'" (PUA) are in fact advocating the same ideas and principles that the PUA use. When I first read about it, I thought, how can this be useful? The principles of rebalancing the situation to make her think she needs to have you is fair if you think about it in an abstract, removed way, but the way they advocate is to put them down (women) not build yourself up, where, presumably, you could be seen as a tosser of the highest order if you took it too far.

I flat out see it as bad behaviour. It's misleading and rude, not for the long-run and bordering on sexist.

And now I'm guilty of it.

Best Mate invited a girl that invited him to her party back in May. He then was told he could bring a friend as he didn't know anyone but her there. That person was obviously me.

I got talking to her on Fakebook and it was OK. There was a lot of talking about relationships as her ex-boyfriend who she had broken up with weeks after the party was acting up. Cheating people and (repairing) relationships. Neither of my special subjects.

Anyway, back to the recent party. She is a few years younger than me so it's interesting to see the difference in our conversation. Again there was not really any spark but she did summon up the courage to approach and talk to me there.

Here's where I feel really bad. I figured, seeing as there was not really anything going on, I'd attempt the PUA's principles.

Boy, did it get her fired up. As expected there was lots of heated discussion but not to the point of storming off. She returned for more. One of the body language things I've read about says that when a female touches you it's an acceptance exercise. Don't know if pretend striking on the arm counts....

To cut it short. I got really drunk. So did everyone else left by ~2am.

Then I kissed her.

Then I ignored her for a bit, half regretting it. More bad behaviour.

Now I'm just hoping she doesn't think it means, join the dots ---> relationship.

I'm 23, jobless and in a degree at uni that I don't really like. I should be more unhappy with myself than what I am currently. I'm not a catch and I treated a girl badly whilst drunk to get what I thought I wanted, not really expecting success.

I don't want sympathy and probably won't get it in any case. I know I won't be the only person to experience this but it's never happened before and perhaps I'm naive. I've spoken to her since and she brought it up. I worked around it by not openly dismissing it but trying to reduce its significance. I think she accepts this.

Or it may all blow up in a few days.

Unfortunately, this stuff works. I'm happy that I found something that works. I'm unhappy it's based on so many bad principles and that it's not who I am, which is frustrating (the situation, not me, I'm never frustrating) (Ooops more bad behaviour).

GT